Part II: Bill Clinton and me

So there we were, Chase and I, heading up to the Grand Wayne Center to see Bill Clinton speak. Phew, I thought. There appeared to be no crowd outside the building, which was promising because they said they were only going to let like the first thousand people inside to hear the speech. I am so smart. I knew beating the people here that had to work ‘til five would pay off…Then we walked inside …man was I wrong. The line zigzagged all the way through the center and out the doors on the other side into the street. Great, I thought there is way over a thousand people here. However, we figured that we had come this far so we might as well ride it out and headed to the back of the line.

We began the long embarrassing trek across the Center, knowing people were looking at us thinking- “wow those two guys get here a mere 118 minutes before the President does and they think they’ll get in…public education really let those two down.” Anyway, as I felt people inwardly mocking us, out of nowhere, a glimmer of hope. All of a sudden, right there in the part of the line that was sure to get in, we see Kenny G an old acquaintance from high school. So there we are…calculating how smoothly we could sneak under the rope, when I made the mistake of looking to my left. Apparently, it was not going to happen. Like the next fifty people behind Kenny were starring right at us…you know ready to…no not beat us to a pulp, but you know…no not belittle us, c’mon they’re all Democrats…they were going to tell on us. What a bunch of pushovers, I’m just glad the majority of the time I lean Republican and know how to carry myself with a little bit of dignity. 116 minutes before the President arrived we were at the back of the line waiting to get in.

Well, you may be thinking that we would be highly disappointed by this development, but Chase and I were in good spirits. We figured there was plenty going on outside the building and even if we didn’t get in to the speech, we were in walking distance of all the spirits one could want at C-Street.

Some of the people outside were pretty darn entertaining. There was a bunch of people holding Hillary Clinton signs outside the Wayne Center. Most of the people that had come out liked the showing of spirit, but not everyone. One articulate voter decided to roll down his window and proceeded to shout out “F**k that, I’m voting Obama.” Hmm, why did he do that? I mean really…who the hell was going to change their mind from a comment like that? Oh, little did I know, that was just the beginning of what lay ahead.

Next up, was the diehard Republican protester. That’s right PROTESTER. There was only one Republican in all of Fort Wayne that was a big enough goober to show up and protest Bill Clinton’s arrival. Even cooler then that guy was the Democratic supporters that sent their small children (signs and all) tailing him wherever he went…because children are cute and people like cute children more than Republicans. I love it when people exploit children to push their own political views…it’s like they took a page right out of the AARP handbook when the AARP used children in commercials to push prescription drug benefits and social security rights. Still, I wondered, where’re all the religious conservatives? They know how to guilt trip people with children better than anyone.

I continued to take in the sights and conversations of those around, inwardly enjoying the scene. Then I saw her…a campaign worker…making people sign up there name, number, and address to get into the speech. I didn’t even know if I was going to get into the speech and they’re going take my info? Chase was thinking the same thing, I could tell, he was giving her the “are you serious? God I hate you” look. Chase and I were going to have to think up something quick. She kept approaching and soon it was our turn…

”Hello, we’re just going to need some information before we let you in to see Bill.”

Oh God, this is so stupid, as soon as they get our information they’re never going to stop calling for money and…wait…why did Chase hesitate for a second? Did Chase just write down 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue as his address…and a 1-800 number as his telephone contact? Geez…Chase do you have to make it so blatantly obvious? Did you really have to write in as your address the address to the White House and Lord knows what 1-800 number? Next it was my turn, so to prevent that spilt hesitation of trying to think of something to write down, I wrote from memory, giving the address of where I work and my mom’s cell phone number.

(Sadly, that was not the first time I had written down my store’s address. It works really well when you’re offered a free gift in exchange for your information…this way, you get the gift and your boss, who overworks and underpays you, gets all the junk mail and donation offers)

Anyway, I was sure glad we dodged that bullet. We were told that they would begin letting in people soon and the worker went on her way. I looked behind us. It was a mere 14 minutes after we had arrived (112 min. before the President); the line had stretched so far down I couldn’t see the end of it. As I returned my gaze ahead I realized the woman in front of us, who when we first arrived we had befriended as we saved her spot so she could find a restroom, had apparently invited her whole family to join her in line in front of Chase and I. Apparently all the diehards were inside because Chase and I were the only ones that appeared infuriated over the grave insult she had just hit us with…oh, I was mad…you can’t just save spots…I searched desperately for a campaign worker to tell on the cutters in front of us. But there was no time to think about that now…because the line had started to move…I was finally on my way to see President Clinton speak.

The line began to slowly churn into the reception area where the speech was to be given. All I could think of though was how many of the people in front of me should not have been getting in. They let in so many kids, I swear, one-third of them couldn’t even vote…not like me, I can totally vote. The minors would have been better utilized if their parents gave the kids signs and sent them to follow that crazy Republican protester around because kids simply couldn’t help Hillary Clinton get into the White House…again. By removing the kids it would have increased capacity for important people like Chase and I. You know, provided room for real voters who had no intention of ever voting for Clinton, ever.

Well, don’t worry, Chase and I got inside to hear the President speak. Apparently they let in way over a thousand people, from what I heard it was closer to four thousand. Well, the important thing was that we got in. However, once again, I have continued to ramble on and I apologize for that. It’s funny, if I have to talk about creativity on my blog I am stumped for hours, but if I have to talk about community I ramble on forever. So I guess this will be the second part of my super awesome three part blog. So, if you just finished reading this: I am incredibly sorry. But I am only sorry because next week’s blog is going to be, by far, the best of the three part blog installment on the Bill Clinton speech. So stay tuned, next week I will go over the President’s speech, crazy right-wingers exploiting small children, a disgruntled security guard, a verbal warning, futuristic brain scanning devices, women that think they’re better then you because they drive hybrids, and why the White Sox, in all probability, are on their way back to the World Series.